Kicking Fear

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. Fear is to be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.

Fear seems to be exhilarating for some and paralyzing for others. I remember when I was a young teenager I would spend time at my mom’s house and we would watch “The Twilight Zone”. Everyone else would fall asleep and I would lay awake watching episode after episode, partly because I thought it was fun and partly because I was too afraid to go to sleep. I remember turning off the TV and laying there trying to quiet my mind but the shadows seemed to come alive. I would hide under the blanket struggling with being too afraid to look but then having to look because if something was there I wanted to see it.

My step dad didn’t help either. He loved scary movies! Actually I think he liked the idea of scaring me during scary movies. One night we watched the old “Carrie” movie. At the very end, when you think it’s finally over, as the friend is putting flowers on her grave, Carrie reaches out from the grave and grabs her arm. At that very moment my step dad grabbed my leg and screamed at the top of his lungs. Yeah, I don’t watch scary movies with him anymore.

I don’t know why, but I used to really enjoy watching those types of movies. I still think of “The Birds” when I see crows and sparrows in our trees on the farm. Now, I did draw the line at demonic movies. I never watched things like “Poltergeist”. Those types of movies just went beyond scary for me. I am thankful I never got into watching those, Carrie was my limit.

I remember getting to a point that I was terrified. I was scared to be at home alone. My parents both worked so my brothers and I would come home from school to an empty house. If there was a strange car parked near the house or something was just different, my mind would go crazy. I would imagine the most bizarre scenarios of how someone was just waiting to attack us. It was enough to make me think I was going insane. Seriously!

This went on for months that felt like years. I was afraid to be home, I was afraid to wait at the bus stop, I would wake up terrified in the night. Everywhere I looked I saw something that made me afraid. To make things worse, I didn’t have anyone I could talk to about it. I was a very shy, scared young girl. My parents had no idea what I was going through. I didn’t feel comfortable talking to them about things like this and I didn’t have many friends so I felt very much alone.

Until, one night a preacher came to our church. I don’t remember his name and I don’t remember his title. What I do remember is that he said “someone is watching things that they shouldn’t be, you have images playing over and over in your mind and the devil is using those things to make you afraid.” On one hand I knew he was talking to me and on the other I was trying to figure out who in the world told this guy what I was going through.

That was the first time that God showed me how He could use a man, a preacher, to tell me what I needed to hear. God became very personal for me that night. He let me know that not only did He know what I was feeling but He cared about me.

The preacher began quoting the scripture “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

He said, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 ESV

He told me that instead of putting those things in my mind that I needed to remember this verse: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:8-9 ESV

That’s what I wanted!! The God of peace to be with me! That’s what was missing. I had put the wrong things in my mind for far too long and now they were playing on constant rewind in my head. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with watching movies like this, but for me it had put a spirit of fear on me that was almost debilitating. I had to get rid of it. So at the altar call I poured my heart out to the Lord and asked Him to take this fear. Now I am very careful about what I allow in my home. I would say Fear is one of Satan’s most powerful weapons.

What kind of fear is holding you hostage and keeping you from what God has for you? Is it something as small as scary movies? Or is it something much more serious such as an addiction? Maybe it’s an abusive relationship. Maybe it’s change itself. Change is scary, whatever situation you’re in whether it’s healthy or not, you know what to expect. You know the people involved, you know the expected outcome and you can prepare yourself for what will happen. But when you are looking at change, it becomes unknown. We don’t know what to expect and we can’t prepare ourselves for it.

I heard a recovering addict on the radio today, someone asked him what was it that made him want to make the change in his life and he said “When the fear of staying the same is greater than the fear of change“. Don’t let the fear of change paralyze you! Let God free you of fear and allow you to become who He created you to be.